I’M PREGNANT!! + First Trimester Realness

“HOLY SHIT, I’M PREGNANT” How did this happen??? For the majority of my 20’s, ever since getting diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor told me that when I wanted to start trying for a baby, it would be difficult. Not impossible, but definitely more of a challenge than it would be for most women. Ever since my diagnosis and learning that PCOS isn’t something that you can just treat and will go away, but rather something that needs to be managed forever, the possible fertility challenge has always been in the back of my mind.

How I found out:

Honestly, if it weren’t for Louis pressuring me to take a test, I probably wouldn’t have found out until much later. I had zero symptoms… I mean my period was late but I didn’t think anything of it because it was always irregular (a common symptom of PCOS). But I had no nausea, food cravings or aversions, fatigue…nothing. I tried to convince him that he was crazy but wanted to prove him wrong, so I randomly bought a test that week… and sure enough it was positive. I bought another and immediately called my OBGYN. I was freaking out and didn’t even ask for an appointment- I told her I was on my way. TG she was able to see me and confirmed that I was pregnant on the spot. I started to panic but I was very early- somewhere around 4 weeks- so she told me to come back in another two weeks to confirm everything was positive because she was barely able to see anything in the ultrasound.

I told Louis that night when he came home from work. I literally just handed him the pregnancy test… I didn’t even know how to say it. I mean… this was a total shock.

The next few weeks were an emotional roller coaster of tears and sleepless nights. Although we weren’t married yet, we were it it for the long haul. We were about to get married, but kids were definitely not on the itinerary…at least for a while. We were blindsided, confused, scared and honestly lost. Options were spoken about but I knew I couldn’t not go through with it. Especially considering that for years, I was told that pregnancy would be a challenge and read countless articles about women with PCOS and their struggles with fertility. I was scared but also considered myself to be very lucky.

Symptoms:

Honestly, I think I had a pretty easy first trimester- especially compared to some of my friends who spent weeks with their heads in toilet. At around 8 weeks, I started to feel REALLY tired. I mean like I could have fallen asleep anywhere, on the spot, which is very unlike me. I was never a napper and could always power through the day, even with only a few hours of sleep. But, this was next level. There were also about three weeks where I had a version of “morning sickness” but it hit at 6pm like clockwork. There wasn’t vomiting but I had crazy migraines- nausea, pounding headaches, dizziness and weakness. I ate toast with butter for dinner every single night and basically passed out around 9pm. Another symptom was major brain fog. Getting through anything was a huge challenge- emails, tasks, errands- even answering texts seemed like a major to-do. I had zero motivation. All I wanted to do was to talk about how I was feeling and justify my lack of being a human, but it was too early to say anything yet… to anyone.

Keeping it a secret:

We didn’t tell our families right away and this was the hardest part for me. We waited until I was about 6-7 weeks to tell our parents and OMG it felt like such a weight lifted off my shoulders. My mom practically jumped out of her seat when she found out. She’s never been more excited for ANYTHING before.

Also, not being able to share how I was actually feeling with you guys was hard AF. I felt like I was sharing my “life” on Instagram but it wasn’t real. I felt like a phony and started to loose interest in my business. My body began to change and of course the first thing to notice were my boobs doubling in size. I receieved countless DM’s asking if I had a boob job and a few just cutting to the chase and asking if I was pregnant— I had to ignore those because I didn’t want to confirm or deny it yet. I personally didn’t start to “show” my first trimester, but I could feel the changes coming. I was permanently bloated, my lower abdomen was swollen and none of my clothes felt good.

11 Week Bumpdate - Not much growth but swollen/bloated lower abdomen

Social occasions were a challenge. “Oh, I’m not drinking tonight”, “Ugh, I’m not in the mood for sushi”- I had to constantly think of excuses. My close friends obviously picked up on the clues and there was some gossip within our larger friend groups, but like most couples, we just weren’t ready to share the news so early on. After going through this- I think it’s so important to just respect people’s privacy. The speculation got pretty annoying.

Overall:

The first trimester is difficult. Everyone has different symptoms, but choosing to hide such a massive secret is just as hard as feeling like shit. I think hiding something this huge actually adds more pressure and makes you feel like you’re living in someone else’s body. It’s definitely a mental game.

Next up:

Life is about to change… drastically!! I’m so excited for this next chapter! Keep reading to find out more about my second and third trimesters.